Today we want to talk about conflict or disagreements in relationships. After 26 years of being together, we have most certainly had our share of arguments. With most any relationship, wether it be friends, family or a significant other, there will always be times you don't see eye to eye, but one of the keys to maintaining those relationships, is how you handle your disagreements.
How many times have you had a disagreement and one of you wants to work it out right then and the other just wants to walk away?? Well.. that would be us! I (Tammy) want to walk away and cool off before I say something I don't mean or because I'm just too angry to discuss anything further or I think I'm right. Todd, on the other hand, just wants to get to the bottom of the situation and work it out.
I (Tammy) had to really do some serious soul searching on why I would get so angry and why I would rather just give up and walk away. Let me tell you folks.. that is not something I wanted to do since I am so stubborn, but ultimately, I knew our relationship would end if I didn't.
While praying and reading a whole lot of self help books, I realized I was dealing with a lot of PRIDE and STUBBORNNESS. Now pride can be a great thing to have, but when there is too much of it, and you can't admit your wrong in certain situations, then it becomes a bad thing. The definition of STUBBORNESS is: refusing to move or change one’s opinion; the trait of being difficult to handle or overcome; resolute adherence to your own ideas or desires. Other names for stubbornness include dogged insistence, intransigence, temerity and pig-headedness.
Well if you can relate to any of the above or have been called pig headed, then maybe you might have the same issue I have. Notice I said "have"! I have to consistently pray for humbleness since I struggle with being stubborn. But my relationship with my husband is much more important then me being right. Now this doesn't mean I always settle and don't have my say in our disagreements, but what it means, is that I listen to his side and try not to be defensive. Sometimes that's harder for me then others (especially certain times of the month) but ultimately I know that listening and talking it through will lead to a better "us".
So what happens if you don't talk it out and just walk away? Well, I've seen it so many times in relationships... the resentment builds up so much that unfortunately, it's hard to overcome and the relationship ends.
If the relationship is important enough to you, then you will do what it takes to not allow that to happen... Even if that means.. swallowing your pride!
Here's an article that you may find useful. I would also encourage you to seek help from a counselor if you aren't able to handle it on your own. Otherwise, you may find yourself alone and unable to have meaningful relationships.